Oliver Hudson has wondered about his identity through the years.
“As far as identity goes, like, I don’t really know who the f— I am,” Hudson, 48, said during the Friday, December 20, episode of his “Sibling Revelry” podcast. “I’m, like, ‘Well, what makes me happy? Fishing? I love to fish, I have a boat. Nature, yes, OK, but, like, who am I? What am I doing?’”
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He added, “I’m almost 50, you know, I have existential crises, like, maybe six [to] eight times a day just trying to figure out, ‘Who am I, do I have ADHD — of course I do — wait, do I? Should I get tested?’”
Podcast guest Jennie Garth then asked, “What does it all really matter?” According to Hudson, “It doesn’t.”
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“I put a lot of pressure on myself to provide [and] match the standards of my family, which [is] not put upon them in any way. That’s my own bulls—,” he explained. “Where Kate’s a star, my little brother now is a f—ing star, my parents are stars and, like, people would kill for my career.”
Oliver is the eldest child of exes Bill Hudson and Goldie Hawn, who also share daughter Kate Hudson. After Bill and Hawn, 79, split, Hawn moved on with longtime love Kurt Russell. Together, they share son Wyatt Russell, who is also an actor. (Oliver and Kate, 45, have been estranged from Bill, 75, for many years, often referring to Kurt, 73, as a parental figure.)
“In the same point, I’m, like, ‘Well, I’m the black sheep,’” Oliver added on Friday of the comparisons to his relatives. “It’s such a f—ing ridiculous thing to think. It’s all bulls—. It’s what you put upon yourself.”
According to Oliver, he “wouldn’t be me without” those thoughts.
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“But at the same time, when I have those moments … where I am on top of the world, I don’t know why, I’m buzzing,” Oliver added. “I feel like I can do anything and I’m like, ‘I want to live in that space all the time.’ I can’t.”
Garth, 52, chimed in to ask whether Oliver ever “looked in the mirror and said, ‘I love you.’”
“No, no, [but] I should,” Oliver said. “It’s about self-love [and] self-worth, which I have been lacking all my life. So, to look at myself in the mirror and to actually feel that and say it honestly, I’d probably use humor to deflect those true emotions. I do wake up, like, ‘It’s gonna be a great f—ing day today.’ I try to create that energy.”
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